I'm a terrible person. If Jennifer Aniston had married me (which would have been creepy because she doesn't have a penis), when we finally divorced and I posed for photos with Angelina Jolie (not nearly as creepy because I'm pretty sure she does have a penis), she would have told the press in that whiny… Continue reading Award Posts Make Me Want To Become A Ward Of The State Penitentiary
Tag: zombie
Bath Salts Made Me Eat Your Face
Remember when bath salts made your skin soft and smell faintly of something like lavender? Remember when the worst thing that could come as a result of using bath salts was a UTI? Remember when bath salts were merely part of one of those crappy, bath product gift baskets you bought your great Aunt Edna… Continue reading Bath Salts Made Me Eat Your Face
A Thousand People Can’t Be Wrong – A Contest For My Followers
Dear Followers of My Paltry Meanderings: As some of you may know, last week I hit a bit of a milestone. And not with my car. That was a wall and it's really just a tiny scratch. I always thought four doors on a car was a bit bourgeois anyway. No, as of last week, over… Continue reading A Thousand People Can’t Be Wrong – A Contest For My Followers
Seven More Things? Really?
This will be my shortest post ever. Except for Savannah Glasses - which I won't even provide a link for because it's just a photo and an excuse for not writing. Why so short? It's very late. I'm extremely tired. I'm not funny when I'm sleepy. Actually, I am funny, but it's because I snore… Continue reading Seven More Things? Really?
In Search of “The Holy White Man”
While we indulged in over-priced Peruvian fare last night, our friend, Jarrod, shared a story about his now-deceased aunt, who apparently was a member of the only Pentecostal church in Florida that doesn't believe in Jesus. How is that possible? Pentecostals live for Jesus. They eat his body and drink his blood at communion...yet never… Continue reading In Search of “The Holy White Man”
Funnier In Writing 