Humor · Poetry

Just Four Friggin’ Lines #2

  Just Four Friggin' Lines is a new poetry series penned by Miss Snarky Pants. Afraid to make a commitment or intimidated by sonnets that have the nerve to go on for fourteen lines? That's not an issue here - because it's Just Four Friggin' Lines! Go ahead; follow me. Leading is exhausting, isn't it? Take a break. It's… Continue reading Just Four Friggin’ Lines #2

Humor

Is That The Bog Of Eternal Stench Or Your Face?

The other night, a small, erm, blemish appeared on my chin. Miss Snarky Pants does not get (shiver) pimples, but sometimes she talks about herself in third person, which is equally creepy. Fortunately, all superhero bloggers have their gear - and so do I. Just as Wonder Woman used her golden lasso to extract the… Continue reading Is That The Bog Of Eternal Stench Or Your Face?

Humor

My Mortal Enemy: The Elusive Chin Up

You know your workout isn't off to a great start when your husband challenges you to do a chin up and you immediately wonder, "Which chin?" Hey, it's a serious question. Do I need to pull all of my body weight up towards a metal rod of random height and merely touch the tip of… Continue reading My Mortal Enemy: The Elusive Chin Up

Humor

Jon Stewart Called Stephen Colbert A What?!?

Every once in awhile, Karma smiles down upon you and grants you the opportunity of a lifetime. In my case, her gift was two tickets for a taping of The Daily Show in Tampa, Florida during the Republican National Convention. Now, some of you may be snickering or rolling your eyes because you're complete and utter morons I… Continue reading Jon Stewart Called Stephen Colbert A What?!?

Humor · News

Headlines From The Fluffington Post

I enjoy reading The Huffington Post. It delivers my news in the crunchy-granola, tree-hugging, Obama-loving, non-homophobic, NPR-listening, organically-grown, Jon Stewart-worshiping, ballet-flat wearing format that makes me feel happy, informed and secure. If The Huff Post editors eat meat, I'm sure they feel guilty about it later. For years now, reading my news online delivered me from the hell… Continue reading Headlines From The Fluffington Post

Food · Humor

Salt Is The Spice Of Life And Other Tales Of Chef-Induced Woe

Thomas Edison legendarily tested potential employees by inviting them to dinner. If they sprinkled salt on their food before tasting it, he refused to hire them, viewing their thoughtless salting as a sign that their preconceived mindset would prevent them from analyzing a situation thoroughly before taking action. To be fair, this method of eliminating… Continue reading Salt Is The Spice Of Life And Other Tales Of Chef-Induced Woe

Humor

The Short, Sad Life of Vibrator Girl

I don't recall how the discussion of vibrators arose. Only that it came up while I was riding home on a sweltering school bus filled to the gills with students of every age - as is often the case with private, parochial schools. A popular, older boy named Jerry mentioned that someone had a vibrator… Continue reading The Short, Sad Life of Vibrator Girl

Uncategorized · Writing

Setting The Snark Aside

Last night I started writing a post about my maternal grandfather, whom I called Grandpa. A nostalgic sort, I tend to sometimes dwell in my memories and the stories told to me by my family. Those places that are sepia-toned and a bit soft around the edges. Tales in which truth and embellishment have become… Continue reading Setting The Snark Aside

Comedy · Humor

How To Insult Alan Alda Without Really Trying

I’ve been known to frequently occasionally put my foot in my mouth. Which is why I wear Converse a lot. Their soles have a pleasant, somewhat vanilla flavor to them and just the faintest pecan aftertaste. I’m most prone to humiliating myself and others when meeting celebrities. Unfortunately, I’ve met a lot of them. As… Continue reading How To Insult Alan Alda Without Really Trying

Uncategorized

You Can’t Fix Stupid

ignorant: (adj) lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated stupid: (adj) lacking intelligence or common sense; can't be fixed dumb-ass:  (adj) see stupid - Oxford Dictionary A couple of weeks ago, while celebrating my 1,000th subscriber, I hosted a contest in which my readers could post topics for me to write about. Though many intriguing suggestions were submitted, the… Continue reading You Can’t Fix Stupid