Blogging · Humor

Why I Hate Witty People

The definition of wit arose in a discussion I had the other night over beer and hamburgers. As a general rule, I’m against wit when meat, cheese and hops are involved as the effort is rarely remembered the following day since the recipients of the wit are either still stewing in a cholesterol-induced brain swell or… Continue reading Why I Hate Witty People

Food · Humor

The Church Of Vegan-Lite

If being a vegan is akin to belonging to a particular religion, then I must be Catholic-Lite Episcopalian. What? you say. Vegans are nothing like Episcopalians; they're militant, strict, judgmental - and they're anxious to convert carnivores. Rather, vegans are the epitome of dogmatic zealots, much like the speaking-in-tongues, snake-handling, Born Again, fire and brimstone Charismatics that pepper… Continue reading The Church Of Vegan-Lite

Humor

The Short, Sad Life of Vibrator Girl

I don't recall how the discussion of vibrators arose. Only that it came up while I was riding home on a sweltering school bus filled to the gills with students of every age - as is often the case with private, parochial schools. A popular, older boy named Jerry mentioned that someone had a vibrator… Continue reading The Short, Sad Life of Vibrator Girl

Comedy · Humor

Where’s The Love, Mark Zuckerberg?

Remember MySpace? Justin Timberlake and his $35 million dollar investment seriously wish you would. Though I didn't spend much time in the social networking world during the mid-2000s, I did join and was thrilled to discover that I immediately had a friend in Tom Anderson. You know, Tom - the cute guy in the white tee… Continue reading Where’s The Love, Mark Zuckerberg?

Uncategorized

Bath Salts Made Me Eat Your Face

Remember when bath salts made your skin soft and smell faintly of something like lavender? Remember when the worst thing that could come as a result of using bath salts was a UTI? Remember when bath salts were merely part of one of those crappy, bath product gift baskets you bought your great Aunt Edna… Continue reading Bath Salts Made Me Eat Your Face

Uncategorized

You Can’t Fix Stupid

ignorant: (adj) lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated stupid: (adj) lacking intelligence or common sense; can't be fixed dumb-ass:  (adj) see stupid - Oxford Dictionary A couple of weeks ago, while celebrating my 1,000th subscriber, I hosted a contest in which my readers could post topics for me to write about. Though many intriguing suggestions were submitted, the… Continue reading You Can’t Fix Stupid

Humor

Fear, Racism And The Church Of The Holy Crock Pot

I am a tithing member of the Church of the Holy Crock Pot. Though I dutifully praise the Crock Pot’s glories on a regular basis, take it to all the best potlucks, and actively witness to others about how the power of the Crock Pot has changed my life, it occasionally lets me down. This… Continue reading Fear, Racism And The Church Of The Holy Crock Pot

Humor · Uncategorized

A Thousand People Can’t Be Wrong – A Contest For My Followers

Dear Followers of My Paltry Meanderings: As some of you may know, last week I hit a bit of a milestone. And not with my car. That was a wall and it's really just a tiny scratch. I always thought four doors on a car was a bit  bourgeois anyway. No, as of last week, over… Continue reading A Thousand People Can’t Be Wrong – A Contest For My Followers

Humor · Uncategorized

Yoga Is Not A Character In Star Wars

I’m not a cool yoga chick, a.k.a. CYC. You know, the kind you see wandering into a locally-owned coffee shop (CYCs don’t support corporations and, thus, boycott Starbucks and Dunkin’ Donuts) still wearing her yoga pants and skin tight tank top, her hair swept up into an untidy knot on top of her head that… Continue reading Yoga Is Not A Character In Star Wars

Comedy · Humor · Literature · Uncategorized · Writing

The 11th Reason Why David Sedaris Won’t Marry Me

If you've read my previous post listing the 10 reasons why David Sedaris, the uber-talented writer and humorist, won't marry me, you'll be interested to know that tonight I met the object of my affection in person...and proposed. Okay, I halfheartedly suggested that he enter into marital bliss with me, knowing full well that our… Continue reading The 11th Reason Why David Sedaris Won’t Marry Me