The condescension oh, Sheldon, stabs the meek heart in this engineer - Howard Wolowitz Einstein bled physics, Newton unlocked gravity, Sheldon still can't drive - Leonard Hofstadter Grasshopper, You Are The One True God!Grasshopper of strength, may your mint milk inspire words, ones spoken aloud - Raj Koothrappali Howard went to space, whining like a… Continue reading If Sheldon Cooper Wrote Haiku
Tag: wit
Why I Hate Witty People
The definition of wit arose in a discussion I had the other night over beer and hamburgers. As a general rule, I’m against wit when meat, cheese and hops are involved as the effort is rarely remembered the following day since the recipients of the wit are either still stewing in a cholesterol-induced brain swell or… Continue reading Why I Hate Witty People
Fictionary: Preventing The Extinction Of My Muffin Top
What Is Fictionary? It's a clever word coined by my blogging buddy, Kylie, over at The Life of Kylie, that refers to new words, phrases, or new definitions for existing words or phrases - often punny in nature - created by people like me who have way too much time on their hands. What's more, she's… Continue reading Fictionary: Preventing The Extinction Of My Muffin Top
The Church Of Vegan-Lite
If being a vegan is akin to belonging to a particular religion, then I must be Catholic-Lite Episcopalian. What? you say. Vegans are nothing like Episcopalians; they're militant, strict, judgmental - and they're anxious to convert carnivores. Rather, vegans are the epitome of dogmatic zealots, much like the speaking-in-tongues, snake-handling, Born Again, fire and brimstone Charismatics that pepper… Continue reading The Church Of Vegan-Lite
Stealing From Alice
Today, I'm cheating. I'm stealing the book of alice's format right out from under her, just this once. Why? Because I met the most hilarious 7 year old boy at an Independence Day pool party this afternoon. Dripping wet and shivering, Freddie was searching for a dry towel. Me: Do you want to use one… Continue reading Stealing From Alice
The Short, Sad Life of Vibrator Girl
I don't recall how the discussion of vibrators arose. Only that it came up while I was riding home on a sweltering school bus filled to the gills with students of every age - as is often the case with private, parochial schools. A popular, older boy named Jerry mentioned that someone had a vibrator… Continue reading The Short, Sad Life of Vibrator Girl
Where’s The Love, Mark Zuckerberg?
Remember MySpace? Justin Timberlake and his $35 million dollar investment seriously wish you would. Though I didn't spend much time in the social networking world during the mid-2000s, I did join and was thrilled to discover that I immediately had a friend in Tom Anderson. You know, Tom - the cute guy in the white tee… Continue reading Where’s The Love, Mark Zuckerberg?
How To Insult Alan Alda Without Really Trying
I’ve been known to frequently occasionally put my foot in my mouth. Which is why I wear Converse a lot. Their soles have a pleasant, somewhat vanilla flavor to them and just the faintest pecan aftertaste. I’m most prone to humiliating myself and others when meeting celebrities. Unfortunately, I’ve met a lot of them. As… Continue reading How To Insult Alan Alda Without Really Trying
Bath Salts Made Me Eat Your Face
Remember when bath salts made your skin soft and smell faintly of something like lavender? Remember when the worst thing that could come as a result of using bath salts was a UTI? Remember when bath salts were merely part of one of those crappy, bath product gift baskets you bought your great Aunt Edna… Continue reading Bath Salts Made Me Eat Your Face
You Can’t Fix Stupid
ignorant: (adj) lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated stupid: (adj) lacking intelligence or common sense; can't be fixed dumb-ass: (adj) see stupid - Oxford Dictionary A couple of weeks ago, while celebrating my 1,000th subscriber, I hosted a contest in which my readers could post topics for me to write about. Though many intriguing suggestions were submitted, the… Continue reading You Can’t Fix Stupid
Funnier In Writing 