I'm a terrible person. If Jennifer Aniston had married me (which would have been creepy because she doesn't have a penis), when we finally divorced and I posed for photos with Angelina Jolie (not nearly as creepy because I'm pretty sure she does have a penis), she would have told the press in that whiny… Continue reading Award Posts Make Me Want To Become A Ward Of The State Penitentiary
Setting The Snark Aside
Last night I started writing a post about my maternal grandfather, whom I called Grandpa. A nostalgic sort, I tend to sometimes dwell in my memories and the stories told to me by my family. Those places that are sepia-toned and a bit soft around the edges. Tales in which truth and embellishment have become… Continue reading Setting The Snark Aside
How Polly Flinders Ruined My Life
I was a private school kid. Before you go there, I wasn’t that kind of private school kid. There were no limousines or drivers or designer bags or ivy-covered walls or disheveled teachers in tweed who lived onsite and inspired me to seize the day. In fact, I was a scholarship kid – which meant… Continue reading How Polly Flinders Ruined My Life
You Like Me! You Really Like Me!
The day I was Freshly Pressed, the gifted author of The Book of Alice - an utterly charming blog about parenting by the mother of an adorable toddler named Alice - bestowed upon The Paltry Meanderings of a Taller Than Average Woman , the highly-coveted 7x7 Link Blog Award. After gushing and blushing appropriately, I came to realize that… Continue reading You Like Me! You Really Like Me!
The World’s Worst Sonnet About A Dead Dog Ever
While I was studying poetry in college, I was forced to write a sonnet. Forced, you say? Was a gun held to my head? Did a professor surreptitiously slip a pinless grenade into my palm, step back cautiously and demand, "Write the damned sonnet!" No, but my instructor did string my GPA up by the… Continue reading The World’s Worst Sonnet About A Dead Dog Ever