Just Four Friggin' Lines is a daily, weekly, completely random series for people who have the attention span of a goldfish with Alzheimer's. People who have to cram their verse in between tweezing and waxing. Or mowing, as the case may be. There's no judgment here; after all, it's Just Four Friggin' Lines. You, your monobrow,… Continue reading Just Four Friggin’ Lines #8
Tag: photography
Just Four Friggin’ Lines #5
Just Four Friggin' Lines is a poetry series for people who insist on listening with their eyes. And in honor of those who scribble verses like sleezy phone numbers on their palms and wrists, I bleed Just Four Friggin' Lines of ink. Are you hemorrhaging words? Share your four lines in the Comments below and stop… Continue reading Just Four Friggin’ Lines #5
Award Posts Make Me Want To Become A Ward Of The State Penitentiary
I'm a terrible person. If Jennifer Aniston had married me (which would have been creepy because she doesn't have a penis), when we finally divorced and I posed for photos with Angelina Jolie (not nearly as creepy because I'm pretty sure she does have a penis), she would have told the press in that whiny… Continue reading Award Posts Make Me Want To Become A Ward Of The State Penitentiary
You Can’t Fix Stupid
ignorant: (adj) lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated stupid: (adj) lacking intelligence or common sense; can't be fixed dumb-ass: (adj) see stupid - Oxford Dictionary A couple of weeks ago, while celebrating my 1,000th subscriber, I hosted a contest in which my readers could post topics for me to write about. Though many intriguing suggestions were submitted, the… Continue reading You Can’t Fix Stupid
How Polly Flinders Ruined My Life
I was a private school kid. Before you go there, I wasn’t that kind of private school kid. There were no limousines or drivers or designer bags or ivy-covered walls or disheveled teachers in tweed who lived onsite and inspired me to seize the day. In fact, I was a scholarship kid – which meant… Continue reading How Polly Flinders Ruined My Life
The Demise of Full Frontal
Many of us are guilty of this. You know what I’m talking about it. You've done it. I’ve done it. A lot of my friends have done it. Heck, I do it all the time. The other day, on the way to a funeral, I did it in the car - multiple times. Why? I… Continue reading The Demise of Full Frontal
You Like Me! You Really Like Me!
The day I was Freshly Pressed, the gifted author of The Book of Alice - an utterly charming blog about parenting by the mother of an adorable toddler named Alice - bestowed upon The Paltry Meanderings of a Taller Than Average Woman , the highly-coveted 7x7 Link Blog Award. After gushing and blushing appropriately, I came to realize that… Continue reading You Like Me! You Really Like Me!
5 Reasons Why God Loves Short People Best
As a taller-than-average woman who has studied - and envied - the privileges enjoyed by those who are limited in physical stature, it has become overwhelmingly clear to me that God loves short people best. I’m not saying He hates tall people, but we’re definitely God’s middle child. His eldest are average-sized people and they’re… Continue reading 5 Reasons Why God Loves Short People Best
The World’s Worst Sonnet About A Dead Dog Ever
While I was studying poetry in college, I was forced to write a sonnet. Forced, you say? Was a gun held to my head? Did a professor surreptitiously slip a pinless grenade into my palm, step back cautiously and demand, "Write the damned sonnet!" No, but my instructor did string my GPA up by the… Continue reading The World’s Worst Sonnet About A Dead Dog Ever
Farewell, My Favorite Redneck
This weekend we buried my favorite redneck. Many people who know me would be surprised to discover that I dearly loved someone who used to scoot across the Everglades in an air boat, not to point gators out to tourists with cameras, but to hunt them (the gators, not the tourists). Their eyebrows might shoot… Continue reading Farewell, My Favorite Redneck
Funnier In Writing 