Childhood · Children · Comedy · Humor · Life · Religion · Writing

Saving Simone From Hellfire And Brimstone

In Miami, it’s practically impossible to grow up surrounded by anything but diversity. My family moved there when I was six, but I first discovered I wasn’t in Kansas (okay, Sarasota) anymore when I noticed that many of our neighbors in our new apartment complex had nailed skinny, metal plates with strange lettering painted on… Continue reading Saving Simone From Hellfire And Brimstone

Animals · Children · Humor · Life · Uncategorized · Writing

40 Reasons Why Cats Are Better Than Kids

When I met my husband over eight years ago, we each had two cats - mine were female and his were male. We fell in love and, upon combining our households, became the feline version of the Brady Bunch - except I had slightly better hair than Carol Brady and our backyard wasn't covered in… Continue reading 40 Reasons Why Cats Are Better Than Kids

Comedy · Humor · Life · News · Travel · Uncategorized · Writing

Open Letter To Florida’s Snowbirds

Dear Old CootsSnowbirds, As a full-time resident of the Sunshine State, I am heavily-medicated due to tolerate your presence for four to five months out of each and every year. During your visits to my hometown, I strive to be patient and even welcoming. After all, you bring with you a collection of used, wadded up tissues… Continue reading Open Letter To Florida’s Snowbirds

Blogging · Comedy · Death · Evolution · Extinction · Humor · Life · Literature · News · Politics · Uncategorized · Writing

Nice People: Driving Mankind To Extinction

We’re all taught to be nice to others. To treat people as we would like to be treated. Bumper stickers proclaim “Mean People Suck” and "Mean People Are Mean." And while not terribly eloquent and apparently created by four year olds, their message is dead-on accurate. Mean people suck. But without them, humanity will wither… Continue reading Nice People: Driving Mankind To Extinction

Blogging · Comedy · Death · Food · Humor · Life · Uncategorized · Writing

Cake? You’ll Poke Your Eye Out, Kid!

As with all As Seen On TV! products, I was blown away by the revolutionary new baking craze that is sweeping the nation. Bake Pops. Yes, I know. It’s mind-blowing. Cake on a stick. ON A STICK! Certainly, a nuclear physicist or Nobel winning scientist was behind this invention. What are Bake Pops, you ask?… Continue reading Cake? You’ll Poke Your Eye Out, Kid!

Blogging · Comedy · Fashion · Humor · Life · Literature · Tribute · Uncategorized · Writing

Seven More Things? Really?

This will be my shortest post ever. Except for Savannah Glasses - which I won't even provide a link for because it's just a photo and an excuse for not writing. Why so short? It's very late. I'm extremely tired. I'm not funny when I'm sleepy. Actually, I am funny, but it's because I snore… Continue reading Seven More Things? Really?

Blogging · Childhood · Comedy · Fashion · Humor · Life · Photography

How Polly Flinders Ruined My Life

I was a private school kid. Before you go there, I wasn’t that kind of private school kid. There were no limousines or drivers or designer bags or ivy-covered walls or disheveled teachers in tweed who lived onsite and inspired me to seize the day. In fact, I was a scholarship kid – which meant… Continue reading How Polly Flinders Ruined My Life

Blogging · Humor · Photography · Writing

The Demise of Full Frontal

Many of us are guilty of this. You know what I’m talking about it. You've done it. I’ve done it. A lot of my friends have done it. Heck, I do it all the time. The other day, on the way to a funeral, I did it in the car - multiple times. Why? I… Continue reading The Demise of Full Frontal

Blogging · Humor · Writing

You Like Me! You Really Like Me!

The day I was Freshly Pressed, the gifted author of The Book of Alice - an utterly charming blog about parenting by the mother of an adorable toddler named Alice - bestowed upon The Paltry Meanderings of a Taller Than Average Woman , the highly-coveted 7x7 Link Blog Award. After gushing and blushing appropriately, I came to realize that… Continue reading You Like Me! You Really Like Me!

Food · Humor

Hittin’ The Sauce Hard

Okay. I’ve got a huge confession to make. Lately, I’ve been hitting the sauce. Hard. I do it alone, during the day, when my husband’s at work. I do it at night after he’s drifted off to sleep so that he won’t notice the smell. I’ve gone through so many bottles in recent months, I’ve… Continue reading Hittin’ The Sauce Hard