The definition of wit arose in a discussion I had the other night over beer and hamburgers. As a general rule, I’m against wit when meat, cheese and hops are involved as the effort is rarely remembered the following day since the recipients of the wit are either still stewing in a cholesterol-induced brain swell or… Continue reading Why I Hate Witty People
Dear Michelle, I am so disappointed in you. After thousands of people worked tirelessly to ensure that your husband, President Barack Obama, was again elected to the highest office in this country, you go and blow his inauguration for all of us. A week later, I'm still appalled. For a woman with such class, intelligence… Continue reading An Open Letter To Michelle Obama
Growing up, I was a picky eater. Tomatoes were persona non grata on my plate. Though I recognized that the "I'm-A-Fruit-Masquerading-As-A-Vegetable" meant well, I couldn't understand why tomatoes insisted on encasing their precious seeds in something the consistency of snot. Oranges were also out of the question. If we were meant to eat them, why… Continue reading I Say, Tomato; You Say, What’s That?
The other night, a small, erm, blemish appeared on my chin. Miss Snarky Pants does not get (shiver) pimples, but sometimes she talks about herself in third person, which is equally creepy. Fortunately, all superhero bloggers have their gear - and so do I. Just as Wonder Woman used her golden lasso to extract the… Continue reading Is That The Bog Of Eternal Stench Or Your Face?
You know your workout isn't off to a great start when your husband challenges you to do a chin up and you immediately wonder, "Which chin?" Hey, it's a serious question. Do I need to pull all of my body weight up towards a metal rod of random height and merely touch the tip of… Continue reading My Mortal Enemy: The Elusive Chin Up
Unless you've been living in cave in North Korea, you've probably heard that the orange buffoon Donald Trump has a big SECRET about President Obama which he's planning to unveil this week. During a Monday phone call with Fox and Friends, the Trumpster said, ”It’s going to be announced probably on Wednesday. But I have something very, very… Continue reading Donald Trump’s Big Secret About President Obama
Every once in awhile, Karma smiles down upon you and grants you the opportunity of a lifetime. In my case, her gift was two tickets for a taping of The Daily Show in Tampa, Florida during the Republican National Convention. Now, some of you may be snickering or rolling your eyes because you're complete and utter morons I… Continue reading Jon Stewart Called Stephen Colbert A What?!?
As with every major event, some self-satisfied schmuck comes along and deigns it his or her distinct honor to decide who were the best dressed, worst dressed, most improved, most likely to, most popular and funniest. In the case of The March on the Republican National Convention (RNC), that self-satisfied schmuck would be moi. Most Likely… Continue reading 2012 RNC Protest Awards
A Humor Blog For Horrible People That's my new tagline - and one that will take up residence on my newly-designed website in a month or so after all of my Paltry Meanderings' readers have caught on. You may have noticed that I've got a new name and look. It was time for a change… Continue reading A Humor Blog For Horrible People
“At the heart of ratcism is the religious assertion that God made a creative mistake when He brought some critters into being.” - Friedrich Otto Hertz's rat Most people dislike rats. For some, it's the misplaced belief that today's domestic rats are the same critters that spread the Bubonic Plague throughout Europe during the Middle… Continue reading Don’t Be Such A Ratcist!