Humor · Writing

The Two Sentence Long Horror Story

One night, after I'd fallen asleep, my husband landed on a horror site and spent hours devouring short stories. For some reason, he immediately wrote an ├╝ber brief horror story that went like this: I returned home from work. My wife was not in her usual spot, which was strange because she's been dead for… Continue reading The Two Sentence Long Horror Story

Humor

Award Posts Make Me Want To Become A Ward Of The State Penitentiary

I'm a terrible person. If Jennifer Aniston had married me (which would have been creepy because she doesn't have a penis), when we finally divorced and I posed for photos with Angelina Jolie (not nearly as creepy because I'm pretty sure she does have a penis), she would have told the press in that whiny… Continue reading Award Posts Make Me Want To Become A Ward Of The State Penitentiary

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I Love The Smell Of Napalm In The Condo (Or How I Farted And Got Away With It)

As I open the condo door, I immediately notice that the space is flooded in darkness. One arm outstretched to prevent my clients from entering the unit and breaking something that would best remain unbroken, I feel around blindly with my left hand, my fingers searching the wall for the light switch. Click. A vintage… Continue reading I Love The Smell Of Napalm In The Condo (Or How I Farted And Got Away With It)