Every once in awhile, Karma smiles down upon you and grants you the opportunity of a lifetime. In my case, her gift was two tickets for a taping of The Daily Show in Tampa, Florida during the Republican National Convention. Now, some of you may be snickering or rolling your eyes because you're complete and utter morons I… Continue reading Jon Stewart Called Stephen Colbert A What?!?
Thomas Edison legendarily tested potential employees by inviting them to dinner. If they sprinkled salt on their food before tasting it, he refused to hire them, viewing their thoughtless salting as a sign that their preconceived mindset would prevent them from analyzing a situation thoroughly before taking action. To be fair, this method of eliminating… Continue reading Salt Is The Spice Of Life And Other Tales Of Chef-Induced Woe
This is Part II of my two-part post, Yoga Is Not A Character In Star Wars. If you haven't read Part I of this series, click here now. Or what? I'll kick you, that's what! *** When I saw my reflection in the plate glass window of the lawyer’s office, I immediately knew that I… Continue reading Part Deux – Yoga Is Not A Character In Star Wars
If you've read my previous post listing the 10 reasons why David Sedaris, the uber-talented writer and humorist, won't marry me, you'll be interested to know that tonight I met the object of my affection in person...and proposed. Okay, I halfheartedly suggested that he enter into marital bliss with me, knowing full well that our… Continue reading The 11th Reason Why David Sedaris Won’t Marry Me
So the inevitable factoid finally came up: Gay marriage is legal in New York, and yet David Sedaris still won’t marry me. Why? I’m perfectly nice, reasonably intelligent and can type more than 60 words a minute. I also make a mean rosemary roasted chicken and don’t need to refer to directions in order to… Continue reading 10 Reasons Why David Sedaris Won’t Marry Me
In Miami, it’s practically impossible to grow up surrounded by anything but diversity. My family moved there when I was six, but I first discovered I wasn’t in Kansas (okay, Sarasota) anymore when I noticed that many of our neighbors in our new apartment complex had nailed skinny, metal plates with strange lettering painted on… Continue reading Saving Simone From Hellfire And Brimstone
The definition of wit arose in a discussion I had the other night over beer and hamburgers. As a general rule, I’m against wit when meat, cheese and hops are involved as the effort is rarely remembered the following day since the recipients of the wit are either still stewing in their cholesterol-induced brain swell or… Continue reading Why I Hate Witty People