Humor · Uncategorized

A Thousand People Can’t Be Wrong – A Contest For My Followers

Dear Followers of My Paltry Meanderings: As some of you may know, last week I hit a bit of a milestone. And not with my car. That was a wall and it's really just a tiny scratch. I always thought four doors on a car was a bit  bourgeois anyway. No, as of last week, over… Continue reading A Thousand People Can’t Be Wrong – A Contest For My Followers

Humor · Uncategorized · Writing

The Evil Truth About Grocery Store Cashiers

There are certain professions that have earned public scorn over the years – and rightfully so. Deep down, we all hate lawyers, realtors, drug-peddling doctors, used car salesmen, mimes, politicians, the talking heads at Fox News, mortgage bankers, and those bitches who work in a high-end retail stores for ten bucks an hour, but still… Continue reading The Evil Truth About Grocery Store Cashiers

Childhood · Humor · Life · Religion · Uncategorized

My First Grade Judas Kiss

While discussing the topic of dishonesty with a friend who chronicles the unbelievably funny and charming things her toddler, Alice, says in the course of everyday life in her brilliant and wonderfully concise blog, the book of alice, the topic of first lies (not first lays, you pervs!) arose. Of course, there are two kinds… Continue reading My First Grade Judas Kiss

Blogging · Comedy · Death · Food · Humor · Life · Uncategorized · Writing

Cake? You’ll Poke Your Eye Out, Kid!

As with all As Seen On TV! products, I was blown away by the revolutionary new baking craze that is sweeping the nation. Bake Pops. Yes, I know. It’s mind-blowing. Cake on a stick. ON A STICK! Certainly, a nuclear physicist or Nobel winning scientist was behind this invention. What are Bake Pops, you ask?… Continue reading Cake? You’ll Poke Your Eye Out, Kid!

Blogging · Comedy · Fashion · Humor · Life · Literature · Tribute · Uncategorized · Writing

Seven More Things? Really?

This will be my shortest post ever. Except for Savannah Glasses - which I won't even provide a link for because it's just a photo and an excuse for not writing. Why so short? It's very late. I'm extremely tired. I'm not funny when I'm sleepy. Actually, I am funny, but it's because I snore… Continue reading Seven More Things? Really?

Blogging · Childhood · Comedy · Fashion · Humor · Life · Photography

How Polly Flinders Ruined My Life

I was a private school kid. Before you go there, I wasn’t that kind of private school kid. There were no limousines or drivers or designer bags or ivy-covered walls or disheveled teachers in tweed who lived onsite and inspired me to seize the day. In fact, I was a scholarship kid – which meant… Continue reading How Polly Flinders Ruined My Life

Blogging · Humor · Photography · Writing

The Demise of Full Frontal

Many of us are guilty of this. You know what I’m talking about it. You've done it. I’ve done it. A lot of my friends have done it. Heck, I do it all the time. The other day, on the way to a funeral, I did it in the car - multiple times. Why? I… Continue reading The Demise of Full Frontal

Blogging · Humor · Writing

You Like Me! You Really Like Me!

The day I was Freshly Pressed, the gifted author of The Book of Alice - an utterly charming blog about parenting by the mother of an adorable toddler named Alice - bestowed upon The Paltry Meanderings of a Taller Than Average Woman , the highly-coveted 7x7 Link Blog Award. After gushing and blushing appropriately, I came to realize that… Continue reading You Like Me! You Really Like Me!

Food · Humor

Hittin’ The Sauce Hard

Okay. I’ve got a huge confession to make. Lately, I’ve been hitting the sauce. Hard. I do it alone, during the day, when my husband’s at work. I do it at night after he’s drifted off to sleep so that he won’t notice the smell. I’ve gone through so many bottles in recent months, I’ve… Continue reading Hittin’ The Sauce Hard

Comedy · Death · Humor · Literature · Poetry · Tribute · Uncategorized · Writing

The World’s Worst Sonnet About A Dead Dog Ever

While I was studying poetry in college, I was forced to write a sonnet. Forced, you say? Was a gun held to my head? Did a professor surreptitiously slip a pinless grenade into my palm, step back cautiously and demand, "Write the damned sonnet!" No, but my instructor did string my GPA up by the… Continue reading The World’s Worst Sonnet About A Dead Dog Ever