Major Awards

 

 

Freshly Pressed

Within days after I began my so-called blogging career, my first post, Why I Hate Witty People , was Freshly Pressed. Unfamiliar with blogosphere lingo, it occurred to me that this might be similar to what happens to olives, but that didn’t make sense. Why, you ask? Do I look I like an olive? How many olives do you know who can type? Clearly, I’m not a fruit that needs to be cured and then smashed to extract its oil so, of course, it made absolutely no sense.

Informed by email that I was now one of the dozen or so bloggers singled out every day by the wordpress.com staff to appear on what is, essentially, wordpress.com’s front page, I was honored, humbled and confused as hell as to how I got there.  I mean, I’m not related to anyone affiliated with the website. If I’ve snogged any staff members, I don’t remember having done so – and it would have been a long time ago because I’m a married woman. Then again, if I did snog a staff member, I’m sure it was a really good kiss and, ummm, I’m sure I enjoyed it and don’t be hurt that I’ve forgotten you. I’m a naturally forgetful person. I swear. I also didn’t bribe anyone because wordpress.com was uninterested in trading my mother’s Avon doll collection for viral fame.

So how I got here is a mystery. When my blogging bestie, Stacie Chadwick , who is a hilarious and talented writer, was also recently Freshly Pressed, she claimed I had something to do with it. Like I’m some kind of computer genius who can hack wordpress.com and Freshly Press all my blogging friends. That said, I like to write and, sometimes, the things I write make milk shoot out of people’s noses. No, I’ve never witnessed this, but people say so in the comments. I really love it when that happens because anyone can manage a fake laugh, but a fake milk nose spew is uber difficult.

I also like using the words uber and willy-nilly. Uber is now part of pop and general culture. Willy-nilly is gonna hit any day now. You have a small window to be among the early users. Be bold.

Anyway, to the Freshly Pressed gods and goddesses out there, I say, “Thanks. That was a super cool, groovy thing to do.” I won’t ask you to do it again because I don’t want to be greedy. Then again, I’m a little chubbier than I’d like to be which suggests I’m a little greedy with food…but I’m trying to eat healthier, which suggests I’m trying not to be so greedy.

What the heck! Do what you want. You’re gods and goddesses. Who am I to tell you what to do?

Oh, and to you kind people, my readers, who have taken the time to read my posts and subscribe to my blog, if you could keep doing that, I promise to continue to be snarky. I’d promise to make milk come out of your nose, but that’s really hard to do. You know. Often. Maybe once in awhile, but you have to do your part: Drink milk while reading my posts. I can’t help you if you don’t.

Update:

January 25, 2013

Miss Snarky Pants has been Freshly Pressed…again! The rumors about her having, erm, acquired compromising photos of two WordPress editors have been greatly exaggerated. It was just the one.

 

10 thoughts on “Major Awards

  1. I’ve been trying to figure out what it takes to be Freshly Pressed. I suspect that it has to do with luck, talent, and the sacrifice of an undisclosed number of virgin goats. Can’t be certain, though.

    1. I’d go with either 3 or 7 virgin goats – both are Biblical numbers and the majority of people in this country are Christian. So I must assume that the majority of wordpress editors are also Christian…though wordpress editors are likely pretty liberal, so that may not be true. Anyway, 3 or 7 is as good as any other number.

      1. I’ll try both. At different times, of course. Ten goats is clearly incorrect, and I wouldn’t want to over-egg the goat pudding.

  2. I love you Cristy Carrington! But not in a vag kind of way, although I do love my vag. And not because I see my name IN LIGHTS up above. I love you because you’d let me borrow money and never say anything when I forgot to pay your back. Plus you’re awesome.

  3. You are so funny! And informative. I am brand spanking new to this WP site and clueless about what I’m doing. Let alone what ‘Newly Pressed’ meant. I thought it was a dry cleaning blog. My site is The Society for Recovering Doormats. Even though you’re clearly NOT a doormat, I think you’d enjoy it. Please stop by and let me know what you think!

  4. OMG You are a hoot! I just met you 24-hours ago and I’m addicted! Let’s do real facetime soon…and I don’t mean via a iPhone 🙂

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