Blogging · Humor

If Sheldon Cooper Wrote Haiku

The condescension oh, Sheldon, stabs the meek heart in this engineer - Howard Wolowitz Einstein bled physics, Newton unlocked gravity, Sheldon still can't drive - Leonard Hofstadter Grasshopper, You Are The One True God!Grasshopper of strength, may your mint milk inspire words, ones spoken aloud - Raj Koothrappali Howard went to space, whining like a… Continue reading If Sheldon Cooper Wrote Haiku

Blogging · Humor

Why I Hate Witty People

The definition of wit arose in a discussion I had the other night over beer and hamburgers. As a general rule, I’m against wit when meat, cheese and hops are involved as the effort is rarely remembered the following day since the recipients of the wit are either still stewing in a cholesterol-induced brain swell or… Continue reading Why I Hate Witty People

Humor · Writing

Fictionary: Preventing The Extinction Of My Muffin Top

What Is Fictionary? It's a clever word coined by my blogging buddy, Kylie, over at The Life of Kylie, that refers to new words, phrases, or new definitions for existing words or phrases - often punny in nature - created by people like me who have way too much time on their hands. What's more, she's… Continue reading Fictionary: Preventing The Extinction Of My Muffin Top

Humor · Politics

An Open Letter To Michelle Obama

Dear Michelle, I am so disappointed in you. After thousands of people worked tirelessly to ensure that your husband, President Barack Obama, was again elected to the highest office in this country, you go and blow his inauguration for all of us. A week later, I'm still appalled. For a woman with such class, intelligence… Continue reading An Open Letter To Michelle Obama

Comedy · Humor

I Say, Tomato; You Say, What’s That?

Growing up, I was a picky eater. Tomatoes were persona non grata on my plate. Though I recognized that the "I'm-A-Fruit-Masquerading-As-A-Vegetable" meant well, I couldn't understand why tomatoes insisted on encasing their precious seeds in something the consistency of snot. Oranges were also out of the question. If we were meant to eat them, why… Continue reading I Say, Tomato; You Say, What’s That?

Humor

Is That The Bog Of Eternal Stench Or Your Face?

The other night, a small, erm, blemish appeared on my chin. Miss Snarky Pants does not get (shiver) pimples, but sometimes she talks about herself in third person, which is equally creepy. Fortunately, all superhero bloggers have their gear - and so do I. Just as Wonder Woman used her golden lasso to extract the… Continue reading Is That The Bog Of Eternal Stench Or Your Face?

Food · Humor

The Church Of Vegan-Lite

If being a vegan is akin to belonging to a particular religion, then I must be Catholic-Lite Episcopalian. What? you say. Vegans are nothing like Episcopalians; they're militant, strict, judgmental - and they're anxious to convert carnivores. Rather, vegans are the epitome of dogmatic zealots, much like the speaking-in-tongues, snake-handling, Born Again, fire and brimstone Charismatics that pepper… Continue reading The Church Of Vegan-Lite

Humor

My Mortal Enemy: The Elusive Chin Up

You know your workout isn't off to a great start when your husband challenges you to do a chin up and you immediately wonder, "Which chin?" Hey, it's a serious question. Do I need to pull all of my body weight up towards a metal rod of random height and merely touch the tip of… Continue reading My Mortal Enemy: The Elusive Chin Up

Humor

Donald Trump’s Big Secret About President Obama

Unless you've been living in cave in North Korea, you've probably heard that the orange buffoon Donald Trump has a big SECRET about President Obama which he's planning to unveil this week.  During a Monday phone call with Fox and Friends, the Trumpster said, ”It’s going to be announced probably on Wednesday. But I have something very, very… Continue reading Donald Trump’s Big Secret About President Obama

Humor

Jon Stewart Called Stephen Colbert A What?!?

Every once in awhile, Karma smiles down upon you and grants you the opportunity of a lifetime. In my case, her gift was two tickets for a taping of The Daily Show in Tampa, Florida during the Republican National Convention. Now, some of you may be snickering or rolling your eyes because you're complete and utter morons I… Continue reading Jon Stewart Called Stephen Colbert A What?!?