That's the thing about dolphins. If they don't like you, you must suck as a human being. Seriously suck. Dolphins have been known to protect complete strangers - of another species, no less - from sharks. Makes you wonder if dolphins didn't like some of the people who didn't make it. Maybe they just hung… Continue reading The Thing About Dolphins
A few years ago, a woman proudly posted on social media that she had participated in a 36-Car-Long Pay It Foward Chain at a Chick-Fil-A in Tampa, Florida. At the time, I remember thinking, "Well, I guess that's nice." After all, when you use the phrase "Pay It Forward," in relation to anything, it brings… Continue reading When Paying It Forward FAILS
Now, what size did you want that frappuccino?
1. If one is the loneliest number, I suspect seven is Homecoming Queen. 3.14159265359 is Most Likely to Be Irrational and Transcendental. And sixty-nine is annoyed that she is illegal in Washington, D.C. 2. Ever wonder if Jesus might have just been a really good magician? Thank you, my disciples. Now for my next trick, I shall… Continue reading 10 Random Things I Thought About Today
This is a real ad that appeared on my Facebook page today. Yes, that appears to be a turd. Specifically, the turd of someone who likes peanuts. Upon seeing it, I immediately thought to myself, "I have to share this with my readers." You're probably wondering what that says about you, right about now. Don't… Continue reading Lose Weight By Taking A Sh*t. Seriously?
Two weeks ago, another senseless mass shooting occurred in the U.S. The perpetrator, Aaron Alexis, stole twelve American lives (in addition to his own), injured another eight, and decimated most of what remained of the fragile hope I carried in my heart. The hope that this attack would be the one that removes semi-automatic and… Continue reading And You Thought Aaron Alexis Was Crazy
Growing up, I was a picky eater. Tomatoes were persona non grata on my plate. Though I recognized that the "I'm-A-Fruit-Masquerading-As-A-Vegetable" meant well, I couldn't understand why tomatoes insisted on encasing their precious seeds in something the consistency of snot. Oranges were also out of the question. If we were meant to eat them, why… Continue reading I Say, Tomato; You Say, What’s That?
Remember MySpace? Justin Timberlake and his $35 million dollar investment seriously wish you would. Though I didn't spend much time in the social networking world during the mid-2000s, I did join and was thrilled to discover that I immediately had a friend in Tom Anderson. You know, Tom - the cute guy in the white tee… Continue reading Where’s The Love, Mark Zuckerberg?
I’ve been known to frequently occasionally put my foot in my mouth. Which is why I wear Converse a lot. Their soles have a pleasant, somewhat vanilla flavor to them and just the faintest pecan aftertaste. I’m most prone to humiliating myself and others when meeting celebrities. Unfortunately, I’ve met a lot of them. As… Continue reading How To Insult Alan Alda Without Really Trying
If you've read my previous post listing the 10 reasons why David Sedaris, the uber-talented writer and humorist, won't marry me, you'll be interested to know that tonight I met the object of my affection in person...and proposed. Okay, I halfheartedly suggested that he enter into marital bliss with me, knowing full well that our… Continue reading The 11th Reason Why David Sedaris Won’t Marry Me