Humor · Poetry

A Stupid Butterfly Poem

    A Stupid Butterfly Poem   Clipped between pane and screen, two monarch wings form wicked angles, dusted with the world that passed since they last beat beat   beat   beat   beat   beat   beat   beat. Against the brittle, grating mesh. Against the July-baked glass.   How was this wind-buoyed wisp caged, walled,   black legs… Continue reading A Stupid Butterfly Poem

Humor · News

Bundy Protesters To Use Kittens On Front Line

First, it was women. Children. Now kittens? Cliven Bundy, the Nevada rancher whose armed protesters recently forced U.S. Bureau of Land Management agents to withdraw during an attempt to herd and impound Bundy's cattle, which are illegally grazing on federally-protected lands, has come up with a new tactic to deter future attempts by agents: newborn… Continue reading Bundy Protesters To Use Kittens On Front Line

Art · Crafting

Snarky Threads

This winter, Miss Snarky Pants had a migraine for four months. Writing - and worse, editing - with a headache that lasts longer than a session of Congress is a hell reserved for someone much worse than myself (no, really, there's this guy in Omaha), so I thought I'd spare you (but, mostly, me) the… Continue reading Snarky Threads

Humor · Politics

Christie’s Bridgegate Target Revealed To Be Ft. Lee Child

FT. LEE, NJ - Copies of personal emails between Chris Christie and his former Deputy Chief of Staff, Bridget Anne Kelly, were released to several media outlets today, in which the Governor directs Kelly to "f*ck [sic] with that black kid, the one from the rally," now identified as Ft. Lee second grader, Nate Hoffman. "Plant… Continue reading Christie’s Bridgegate Target Revealed To Be Ft. Lee Child

Comedy · Humor

Lose Weight By Taking A Sh*t. Seriously?

This is a real ad that appeared on my Facebook page today. Yes, that appears to be a turd. Specifically, the turd of someone who likes peanuts. Upon seeing it, I immediately thought to myself, "I have to share this with my readers." You're probably wondering what that says about you, right about now. Don't… Continue reading Lose Weight By Taking A Sh*t. Seriously?

Humor · Politics

Putin, Sochi, Rainbows and Unicorn Sh*t

Thanks to the across-the-board nightmare the Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics have been thus far, I realized there was a secondary irony in the rainbow-colored Olympic rings - one that didn't exist until the games were held in a country that has recently restricted some of the most important aspects of Russian LGBTQ people's lives. In… Continue reading Putin, Sochi, Rainbows and Unicorn Sh*t

Humor · News

Justin Bieber Secretly Drops New Single, “Cry for Help”

NEW YORK CITY (The Snarky Pants Press) - A second pop star in as many months has secretly dropped a single on iTunes today. Cry for Help, is the first single to be released from Justin Bieber's forthcoming album, Someone Reign Me In Before I Turn Into Leif Garrett. When asked if Def Jam decided to covertly… Continue reading Justin Bieber Secretly Drops New Single, “Cry for Help”

Comedy · Politics · Uncategorized

And You Thought Aaron Alexis Was Crazy

Two weeks ago, another senseless mass shooting occurred in the U.S. The perpetrator, Aaron Alexis, stole twelve American lives (in addition to his own), injured another eight, and decimated most of what remained of the fragile hope I carried in my heart. The hope that this attack would be the one that removes semi-automatic and… Continue reading And You Thought Aaron Alexis Was Crazy

Humor · Life

Holy Diarrhea! I’m A Hypochondriac

It's true. I've denied it for years, not because I was ashamed of being a hypochondriac, but because I didn't think the word applied to me. Why? Miss Snarky Pants, with all of her books, her degrees, her 4-year reign as FCS's Spelling Bee Champion - don't be a hater! - never bothered to look up… Continue reading Holy Diarrhea! I’m A Hypochondriac

Blogging · Humor

If Sheldon Cooper Wrote Haiku

The condescension oh, Sheldon, stabs the meek heart in this engineer - Howard Wolowitz Einstein bled physics, Newton unlocked gravity, Sheldon still can't drive - Leonard Hofstadter Grasshopper, You Are The One True God!Grasshopper of strength, may your mint milk inspire words, ones spoken aloud - Raj Koothrappali Howard went to space, whining like a… Continue reading If Sheldon Cooper Wrote Haiku