First, it was women. Children. Now kittens?
Cliven Bundy, the Nevada rancher whose armed protesters recently forced U.S. Bureau of Land Management agents to withdraw during an attempt to herd and impound Bundy’s cattle, which are illegally grazing on federally-protected lands, has come up with a new tactic to deter future attempts by agents: newborn kittens.
Former Arizona sheriff, Richard Mack was, reportedly, the mastermind behind decision to put women on the front lines, in the event that a “rogue” federal agent opened fire at last weekend’s Bundy protest, which involved close to 1,000 people, including armed members of Operation Mutual Aid, a non-government sanctioned militia.
“We were actually strategizing to put all the women up at the front,” Mack told Fox News. “If they are going to start shooting, it’s going to be women that are going to be televised all across the world getting shot by these rogue federal officers.”*
“If they’re going to start killing people,” Mack told radio host, Ben Swann, “I’m sorry, but to show the world how ruthless these people are, women needed to be the first ones shot. I’m sorry, that sounds horrible. I would have put my own wife or daughters there, and I would have been screaming bloody murder to watch them die.”**
When Mack was asked if he thinks putting women on the front lines would deter federal agents in the future, he responded, “No, we’ve played that card. We’ve asked Bundy’s supporters to bring kittens next time.” He explained that the plan is to attach cameras – connected to live YouTube feeds – to the newborns’ heads. The kittens will then be placed on the front lines, with the children and women behind them. “If a rogue agent takes a shot,” Mack said, “America will be watching kitten heads explode on the Internet.”
Mack further revealed that discussions originally included: playful otters in a tank, cute pandas, baby chicks and bunny rabbits.
In a related story, Richard Mack’s wife, Barbara, hastily filed for divorce this morning in Arizona, citing “irreconcilable differences.” She is seeking sole custody of the couple’s daughters.
*Actual quote.
**Also, an actual quote.
***
Miss Snarky Pants is a humor and satire blog for horrible people.
Miss Snarky Pants loves kittens. You should share this post because everyone loves kittens. Or photos of kittens. Or those really short videos of kittens that repeat over and over again. I don’t know what those are called, but, sometimes, they’re funny. Anyway, share this on FB and Twitter or on all those hipster sites I’m not cool enough to know about. If people like the post, they’ll remember that it was YOU who shared it.
And you get points for that.
***
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Whitney Houston said it best, “Mack is whack.”
How are you so brilliant, so fast? Witty girl.
Reblogged this on The ObamaCrat™.
Thanks, Jueseppi!
Too fun. Just read it to Kim while we’re flying down the interstate.
I’m glad you didn’t crash. Not that I’m that funny or anything. I’m just glad you’re alive.
Thanks! And yes. Yes, you are that funny.
Nah, you’re just that sweet. 🙂
❤
My pleasure, I wonder what would have happened if Cliven Bundy were a Black cattle rancher?
He’d just be angry, black man who wants something for free.
Em, appreciate it. Week has kinda sucked but you brightened my day up. The whole real incident was stupid.
Incredible, isn’t it? Glad you enjoyed it,Tom. Sorry your week has sucked! 😦
Sounds like it’s all unicorns and rainbows in Mack’s world.
He’d put unicorns on the front line if he thought it would get him more press clips on FOX News.
Clearly the moral of this this tale is always shoot the people at the back. Works for me. 👿
Yeah, the ones in back…with the guns. We wouldn’t want to put them up front. Women and children wouldn’t get shot and we wouldn’t be able to blame Obama and the federal government.
Correction I meant 😈
?
!
Hard to separate what is real from what is not anymore, these people are entirely insane.
I know…the real quotes are more unbelievable than the fake ones.
It takes a lot of courage to hide behind the kittens from the gfre – they’re so small that most bullets will just fly right above them. Thankfully, there’d be wives and daughters to block these courageous men from the bullets.
Don’t forget their automatic weapons and bullet proof vests. ‘Course they probably won’t need them since their women looked pretty beefy.
Both sides are pretty horrible.
Have you seen the “How to Speak Wookiee” book yet?
No. I saw the Wookiee Cookies Cookbook, though.
As long as an ingredient isn’t Wookiee meat… Then again, Hubby is dying for a Wookiee rug with a head on it.
Funniest thing EVER. I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. Just follow this link to accept.
http://megansure.wordpress.com/2014/04/28/the-versatile-blogger-award-thank-you/
-Meg
Thank you! So glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
Kittens, humph. If they knew what they were doing, they’d truck in a load of baby ducks to put up front.
Or just go for the cuteness trifecta: kittens, bunnies and baby ducks.