The Amazing Blog Goddess of the Universe, Sweet Mother, dedicated today’s post to praising my Paltry Meanderings blog. The Amazon Amaze-balls Blogger Whom I Most Admire is waxing sentimental about my writing?????? What’s next? Is David Sedaris going to show up at my door with an engagement ring? Is Aaron Sorkin going to beg me to join the writing staff for the second season of The Newsroom? Is bacon going to be declared vegan because pigs spend so much time with their noses in the mud?
Please read, share and send Sweet Mother every bit of blog love you have. And if you aren’t reading her blog and think you’re too busy to do so, you’re wrong. Brushing your teeth two to three times a day is just a suggestion, not a friggin’ law. Sleeping – you can sleep when you’re dead (or when both Sweet Mother and I am dead and no longer blogging). Sex – ha! You weren’t having sex. Stop being silly. Immediately follow Sweet Mother, then report back to me and tell me how fucking awesome she is! Or how awesome I am. Or how awesome David Sedaris is. Even two out of three would be good.
Oh, it’s been a cruel, cruel summer. I started this blog out with such a fervor. I was in a frenzy. I was frackin’ dedicated. I’m still dedicated, but I’ve got the wahs and the blahs. If this long, hot, cruel, summer doesn’t end soon, I fear I’ll have nothing left to write about, but paper bags. Don’t think I won’t do it? I will. Heck, I could talk about the plastic bag right now… Did you know the sanitation departments of America often refer to plastic bags as, “Satan’s resin” because they never feckin’ break down? Did you know that Los Angeles has nearly outlawed the plastic bag? I have a joke for that and it goes:
Los Angeles has outlawed the plastic bag. You have no idea how funny it is to watch Tom Cruise pick up dog poop with a bev nap and a pair of…
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Funnier In Writing 
David Sedaris is incredibly awesome. And so are you. And Sweet Mom. See? Following directions.
Here is a gold star for your forehead.
So funny. I always thought I’d run into Abigail Thomas walking around the uppwer west side. Maybe she’ll show up?!
Bwhaahaahaa!
Done and done…and David Sedaris and I just got off the phone. He was trying to call you, but he kept getting your machine..
I was on the phone with Amy. She was going on and on about how excited she is to become my sister-in-law in bigamy. She just talks and talks…
I was on the phone with Amy. She was going on and on about how excited she is to become my sister-in-law in bigamy. She just talks and talks…
Matt’s also really thrilled about becoming David’s brother-husband.
She really is a jabberwock – and sometimes she totally misses social cues (like the sound of a toilet flushing)…I can only imagine how happy Matt must be – is there going to be a reception after the ceremony?
I was hoping to have Mitt Romney officiate, but apparently he’s busy with some stupid political campaign. I’m so not going to vote for him now. (Actually, I was never going to vote for him, but I was going to tell him that I would if that’s what it took to get him to marry David and me.)
In solidarity I won’t vote for him either (that’s a lie, I wasn’t going to vote for him anyway, but I will stand with you in solidarity if that’s who you really wanted to marry you guys)…There has to be someone better out there to officiate.
Maybe the guy from Sister Wives?
Hmmm….he kinda creeps me out. Al Franken? Antonin Scalia? I hear he has a great sense of humor…
Scalia is not on my most fave list these days. He may be funny, but I’m not a fan of his voting history. How Justice Ginsburg instead. She’s so tiny and cute.
Nice testimonials from you to SM and from SM to you. And none of the praises on either end were exaggerated. And I still can’t get over the fact that your first post ever got Freshly Pressed. That is so cool.
Of course, the hard part is to hold on to that kind of writing quality. You’ve done it well.
Awwwwwwww. I still don’t know how I got Pressed to begin with. I mean the fact that my dad started wordpress could have something to do with it. Nah, that can’t be it. I’m gonna go with all the handjobs that I gave Daniel Tosh, who then put a good word in for me with the cousin of the sister of the best friend of one of the editors at wordpress.
haha!
I love you and I love Sweet Mother.
Are you two-timing me? With Sweet Mother? But I’ve known you for 23 years…doesn’t that count for something? Sniff. Next you’ll be saying you also love Son 1 and Son 2. Jeez!
Dear Becks and Cristy,
More than anything else in my blogging bestie’s reggie profile, I personally love the statement, “I heard about Cristy through another writer.” Why? Because I’m that other writer. Being the “other writer” is kind of like being “food sanitation worker number three” in an awesome movie, or maybe, as it pertains to blogging, that cute kid with the glasses to Tom Cruise and Renee Zellwegger in Jerry Maguire.
I’ll let you two figure out who’s Tom and who’s Renee, because just like that cute kid, Renee’s career seems to be completely absent from the screen. Tom, on the other hand, will continue to pump out multi-zillion dollar mega-hits until the cryogenic freezer he sleeps in every night breaks down. I’d love to know what the hell Katie Holmes has on him, but now I’m straying completely off-topic.
It makes my heart sing to see the lovefest going on here and know that, as sanitation worker number three, I’ve officially blessed, dare I say created, this union, and can attest to the fact that there are no STDs in the house.
Plus Tom and Kate can now officially be added to the tags of both of your posts, thus ensuring 10,000 hits for each of you.
Much love, admiration, and wishing that my pre-menstrual hormones would allow me to sleep instead of commenting on blogs in the middle of the night,
Stacie
Awwwwww. Poor Stacie. You’ll always be Sanitation Worker Number 1 in my book! Soon, I’ll be singing your praises when you’re a Reggie! You’re also the best blogging bestie in the entire world and even SM can’t beat you there.
My confidence in humanity and Scientology has now been restored.
Thank you for the intro to Sweet Mother. I really don’t have the time to read yet another blogger… sigh. But I will. For you. Happily. As long as she comes with a cucumber…
Oh wait… that reference is in her comments, not yours. So sorry.
Anyway, THANKS!
:>
She’s worth it. I promise. You’re just not allowed to love her blog more than mine. I already do and that’s disappointing enough.
LOL… Copy that!
Ooo, can’t wait to check it out! Will find the Like buttons, too. Where’d they go…. love the image at the top, too!
Thanks, Laura. 🙂