2012 RNC Protest Awards

As with every major event, some self-satisfied schmuck comes along and deigns it his or her distinct honor to decide who were the best dressed, worst dressed, most improved, most likely to, most popular and funniest. In the case of The March on the Republican National Convention (RNC), that self-satisfied schmuck would be moi.

Most Likely To Be Shot By A Vigilante Neighborhood Watch Member 

It’s A Good Thing George Zimmerman Can’t Leave Orange County

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Most Likely To Have Thought Black Bloc Was A Fashion Trend

“Are We Supposed To Wear The Bandana As A Mask Or As A Scarf? It’s Cuter As A Scarf.”

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Most Likely To Think The March Ends At A Shelter

“GOP Farts Need To Give The Homeless Shopping Carts!”

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Most Likely To Be Burned In Effigy By Confused British Tourists

How Can He Be Guy Fawkes And Anonymous At The Same Time?

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Most Likely To Have Read The Hunger Games…47 Times

Is That A Mockingjay, Katniss? Shit, District 12 Is Going Down!

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Most Likely To Lose A Few Pounds This Week

“Dude, You Got Some Glucosamine On You? My Knees Are Killing Me.”

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Most Likely To Have Made Her Sign In Her Car…While Driving

“Umm, Yeah…I Am A Philosophy Major. Yeah, I Smoke Cloves. How’d You Know?”

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Most Likely To Know Who Marie Antoinette Was

Also, The Protester Who Should Most Likely Lay Off The Cake

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Most Likely To Be Huge Flock Of Seagulls Fans

Actually, It’s A Pretty Bad Song. I Never Liked It Much. Perhaps We Should  Declare War On I Ran.

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Most Likely To Engage In Foreplay During March On RNC

Bet She Met A Lot Of “Blind” People That Day

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Banner Most Likely To Shock Ann Romney

Ann Romney: “Did You Hear? Someone Wrote The  V-Word On A Banner. They Wouldn’t Get Away With That If We Were In Michigan Right Now!”

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Most Likely To Get Paul Ryan’s Attention

Paul Ryan: “Hey, One Of The Two Times I Passed A Bill Was So That I Could Rename A Post Office!”

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Most Likely To Have Belonged To An Eric Estrada Fan Club

FHiPS Just Doesn’t Have The Same Ring To It As CHiPS

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Most Likely To Be Confused With The Multiple Listing Service

I Wouldn’t Go With A Sans Serif Font Next Time Around

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Most Useless Celebrity At The RNC

Actor Evan Handler From “Sex In The City” – “Damn, It’s Muggy. I’m So Glad I Didn’t Wear Socks With These Loafers. What Are Those People Shouting About Back There?”

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Worst Attempt At A Mitt Romney Insult

You Couldn’t Think Of Something That Rhymes Better With Mitt? I Can.

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Biggest Celebrity To Turn Up For The March On The RNC

Friar Tuck: Please, No More Stories About Sherwood Forest. We Get It. You Hung Out With Robin Hood. You’re A Rebel.

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Least Likely To Get Pregnant During The RNC

“We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Planned Parenthood! We’ve Got Saran Wrap.”

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Most Likely To Become Daily Show Correspondents

“Yeah, Barack Hussein Obama Is A Muslim – So What? At Least He Doesn’t Believe In Magic Underwear.”

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Most Likely To Be Jeb Bush’s Campaign Slogan for 2016

Jeb Bush: “Now, ‘Greed Over People’ Has Got A Nice Ring To It. It’s Simple. It’s Sweet. I Like It.”

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Most Confused Protesters

Are You Sure You Aren’t Mister And Mister 99%? Mr. 1% Would Be Wearing Abercrombie.

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Least Likely To Be Invited To The Neighborhood Potluck In The Tampa Burbs

Distance Between Gainesville And Tampa: 130 Miles. Nope, We’re Not Neighbors.

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Most Likely To Have Protested George Romney At The RNC In 1968

Alternative Message: Mitt Romney’s  America The Beautiful Hurt America More Than Roseanne Barr’s Star Spangled Banner Ever Did

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Photo credits:

All photos are the sole property of Miss Snarky Pants and Cristy Lewis.

42 comments

  1. Stacie Chadwick

    OMG, are you staying up all night BB or do these awesome riffs just roll out of your head as you roll out of bed? You need to tweet these to The Daily Show….I’ll take your RNC coverage any day over the major networks. Samantha Bee’s got nothing on you. Am sending out via FB and Twitter so everyone I know can start their day with a Miss Snarky Pants smile. =)

  2. Fathead Follies

    I’m no vigilante but I might shoot a some of the people in these pictures for smelling bad. Hoodies in Tampa in August? The liberal agenda shouldn’t stink, people. It should practice better hygiene. At least the vaginas were clean. That’s important.

  3. drainedspinach

    The real tragedy is the bore said by mitt the twit instead of covering ron Paul OR the fact that the RNC changed the rules almost e v e r y single day

    • Miss Snarky Pants

      Erm…okay. I agree that it was shameful that the RNC didn’t give Ron Paul the coverage that he deserved at the convention. They’re only screwing themselves because he could have turned votes Mitt’s way…but I don’t consider that to be a tragedy. It just confirms why I am voting for Obama!

  4. kitchenmudge

    You really should have covered our convention. The Greens are much more award-worthy. That’s on the convention floor, where the public was ALLOWED. Well, I take that back. It’s apples & oranges. We didn’t have any protestors. Barely had any press.

    If you could get onto the floor of the GOP convention, I’m sure we’d get a magnificent post from you.

  5. Ms. T

    I have been trying so hard (and it’s futile) to avoid politics lately. But who could resist this? Humor as the great unifier. Since I live in the black helicopter headquarters of the world, and probably the protesting center of the universe, I feel your pain. And if I could be half as funny as you, I’d run for office myself. Hey…

    • Miss Snarky Pants

      Thanks, Ms. T! Though I meander into the world of political humor on occasion, I tend to stay away as politics is proving to be the most partisan. I’m so glad that you enjoyed this, but I will be returning to my traditional programming soon…now that the RNC is finally over and the helicopters have stopped hovering over my building.

    • Miss Snarky Pants

      I know. I was particularly disappointed in the people who had no signs. They just showed up and sauntered along as though someone promised them coffee and a donut if they’d walk a mile with the group.

  6. Angry Demon

    I miss the Liberals of olden days,you know the Kennedy’s days.Those Libs have more concern for others and RESPECT the Republicans as a fair opponents.Also They Love USA–and HATE the Commies.They are HARDCORE in their believe.Although those old Libs got things right but their next generation got saturated in petty radicalism and you know….. The LSD Induced Hippies.
    The Libs today are so comical in comparison with the old ones.

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